I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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