What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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