Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize