Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love you.
Bad choice
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