My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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