I hate your face
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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