we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
