its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize