ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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