she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
