You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
