I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
