there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
