That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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