You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
