so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
