Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I touched a dick in church today
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize