I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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