If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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