I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You're like the curious george of whores
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
