I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
