I'm jealous of your bromance
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
