I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
