i was rollin on her like bob the builder
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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