Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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