guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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