So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
