I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
