Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
