Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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