I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
