I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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