...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
