dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
