Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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