That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
