If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
