girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
