my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize