I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
