I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My vagina just clenched in fear
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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