How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
