we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
