No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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