Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
