my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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