You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
