hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I didn't notice because vodka
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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