remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize