This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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