wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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