I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
