I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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