we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize