Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
