If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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