hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
