I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize