so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
