Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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