I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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