we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
