As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you will always have a special place in my vag
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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