I hope mine doesn't look like that
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
