woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
