I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
