I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize