Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
