Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
