Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
