It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize