I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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