My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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