someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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