I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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