Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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