Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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