I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
