My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
