I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize